The Ellen Rant: Kristen Stewart and Twilight

Image from cnn
Alright I know that I have pulled Kristen Stewart out separately and smushed her together with my overall Twilight Rant. And I think by doing so, I am making some kind of point at how irritated I am with Both her and Twilight -- and I'm not making any sense.

But that is how I feel about KS and Twilight. I feel like I am constantly being subjected to information about both that I don't want. And SO obviously Kristen doesn't want it either.

She is portrayed as ungrateful, and aloof and so bored and so suffering from the general malaise. She speaks of the entrapments of the hard earned career of craft riddled with the pitfalls of intrusiveness and lack of privacy and fame.

She realizes that her opinion and persona is going to be analyzed and critiqued ... just like her movies. She doesn't think this is fair.

WHY do I know all this? Because I swear, every single magazine, tabloid, industry, even your local newspaper in the Entertainment section has been beating us over the head with the Twilight Phenomenon. Therefore everything and anything related to Twilight is going to be captured and talked about ... more.

Like me. Like this. I am actually experiencing self loathing as I write this.

The thing is, I tried to read the book. I read the first one, and could just not get behind it. It was really shallow. It didn't have as much texture or depth as I've come to expect. There was so much teenage brooding that felt like some kind of Remake of Sweet Valley High in Vampire Pants.

I tried to watch the movie, boringo, couldn't even get through it. Watched part of the second movie on the plane. I didn't have audio half the time. And that was fine, all those heartfelt, pained looks were enough.

Quite frankly, I couldn't care about these characters. I didn't really like anyone very much. The ones I kind of liked I felt like perhaps I shouldn't? All characters are flawed, but for whatever reason. Twilight comes off as a dealbreaker for me. I could not buy in.

Yet the story has made people obsessive, so now every single interview, not with the character but the actors are now being regarded as the characters. And as J.Harvey pointed out in his blog, those interviews might labotimize you. (Really people?? This is important to you? Even as entertainment? GEEZ. I highly suggest knitting or the Wii ... shit)

However it's brought a lot of happiness to a lot of people. It's brought fortune and fame and fanatics. It's also brought out the media crazy. I just find it so odd that the crazy is really in fact so annoyingly boring.

Pop Culture Rant-a-thon

So I was feeling a little whiney today. Really tapping into that old man/old woman side today and decided I needed to channel it at something kind of flimsy like the moral fabric of our society. I thought I'd pick on Pop Culture.

TOP 5 Pop Culture Topics of Disdain that I was choosing from:

* Justin Bieber, despite the fact that my son claims up and down to not know this white jean, purple shirt, sideways hat, helmet bang wearing dork is. I feel that somehow my son's reluctance to cut his hair or have it influenced by his mother or father is DIRECTLY related to Justin Bieber. Since last time I checked, Shane from the L Word and Hilary Swank were not visible on any Cartoon Network or Nickolodean Channel commercials.

Reason for not seriously giving it my VERY BEST in the world of ranting?: Because everyone is talking about him, and his parents are getting all caught up in things, and really, if I have to take it to that place, it will have to be a Miley Cyrus/Justin Bieber showdown, and honestly ... doesn't that sound ... E X H A U S T I N G?!?

* Popstars who don't wear pants (also known as shocking outfit phenomenon). OMG as the youngsters say, What's up with everyone dancing around in various forms of underpanties? I don't care if they are high waisted granny panties (I'm lookin' at you Katy Perry and Rihanna BFFs!) I'm tired of it. I don't care if you've taken care of that camel toe problem, Beyonce. I'm unimpressed with tall shoes, and cob-webbed headgear and THEATRICALITY all day everyday Gaga, I'm still singin' speechless in my cubicle.

Just because you can and have, doesn't mean you always have to. Seriously I'll make you a t-shirt that says that, and EVERYONE will take your photo in it.

Reason for not seriously giving it my VERY BEST in the world of ranting?: There have been a lot of articles on this too. Even the lady in Entertainment Weekly got on this rant last issue. I thank her for crossing it over. So, my job is done for me. yay team!

*American Apparel Softcore Ads: You know these ads are so horrible. Softcore? I don't think that is appropriate, though that is how gawker and many others have argued the grossosity of it all. I will tell you, it's just "low budget". Reading how they are trying to "prep up" their image was laughable to me.

Let me put it this way. If I worry about being on a web-site with your ads on it on my lunch hour at work because I think quite possibly someone in the office will think I'm displaying inappropriate behavior that will have me having meetings with Employee Labor Relations at a meet and confer ... Your ads are dirty. If most of your poses are in "lace wear" with someone covering their boobs, their knees in preparation for some missionary work (and I'm not talking about with the monks)and lots of leaning over things w/long hair over one shoulder ... Your ads are dirty. Like the way Tipper Gore would say it.

Reason for not seriously giving it my VERY BEST in the world of ranting?: I heart their cardigans. Oh who am I kidding. I heart almost all cardigans. As long as they don't have you know weird bobbles and embroidered reindeers and holdiay themes etc.

* Mistresses, Girlfriends, Garden Variety Sidepieces that Tell All: Because they are sorry it hurts, "but it's best if they know." Hmm. Okay I don't know about their definition of best. But certainly if THEY (the cuckholded half) should know I understand. How is it better to tell the whole interweb world and In Touch Weekly? Dunno. But seriously, I can barely stand the fact that I know my parents had to hold hands to pro-create me. Do I really need to think/hear/imagine some celebrity give me the recap of their exploits?

Let it be known, I'm not saying the (male) celebrity should be off the hook, or above humiliation and punishment. I'm just saying. TMI. And it's SO blatantly selfish and money grubbing, that it actually backfires and I find myself feeling sorry for a few said idiots. I know! I'm a wuss though! I'm a bleeding heart compassionate something or other.

Reason for not seriously giving it my VERY BEST in the world of ranting?: Boringo, and I keep having flashbacks of Tila Tequila. And I know it's absolutely unrelated, but I can't stand that thing.

*Kristen Stewart/Twilight: Dude I've had SO many conversations on this topic. And really, it never gets tired.

WE HAVE A WINNER!!

Stay Tuned :)

Conversation with The Kid

Scene: Waiting for the 24 or 35 at Castro & Market. Overcast, but mildly muggy.

Skinny son, switching his hips to a silent samba: You know Mom, you worry too much.

Chubby Mom, resting arms on cross-slung over-sized purse and food baby belly: I know, I worry about everything. I'm working on it.

Son: No, I mean you worry about me too much. You should worry about yourself more.

CM: What do you mean?

Son, head slightly cocked, weight shifted onto one leg, hands dug into the padded straps of his backpack: You know, Drink less coffee, Take your vitamins ...

CM: I know, you are right, I should exercise more.

Son: Yes putting hands in front of belly and small of back like a mom sandwich: Then you can shrink this!

Asian Appreciation Moment

I have pride of course I do!

And yes I know that May was Asian American, Pan Pacific Heritage, all inclusive Asianing month. (no I can't remember the actual title) No, I did not participate at any of the festivals, mainly because of soccer momming.

I like seeing things that take up a perspective of the Asian American, I like it when it's not screaming angry and preachy.

I also think that some jokes only sound good coming from "us", or those who I've deemed completely aware of their social and moral consciousness. I do cringe when some of these people make jokes in the presence of others that are um, not aware of where their affiliations lie.

Does that make sense?

Oh yes, it's that hypocrisy thing again.

Anyways, this is really supposed to be an appreciation moment.

So here are some latest and greatest things that have given me GREAT PRIDE.

Elderly Asian Cheerleaders Making Happy and Healthy!

Disgrasian Girl's Fantastic Hardass Asian Mom Karate Kid Review -- I will write my own as soon as I recover from my Wuss Attack.

When Did I Become such a Wuss?

Okay, I'm not going to lie, I had to delete the original title where I replaced a letter and added a letter. I tried to put symbols in there to make up for it and be comic book clever or something. But some sense of propriety kicked in.

When did I become such a wuss? I have no back bone. I am so doubting, and I am a cryer.

Case in point. Man Friend and The Kid are on a huge mission to see The Karate Kid.

Whatever, why do I have to go.

It's Sunday, I'd really like to go for a swim, come back and catch about half of the German vs. Australia match in the comfort of my dark livingroom and some bamboo yarn.

But I realize, that is very anti-social of me. I realize that Man Friend made nice coffee and is doing Farmer's Market for the restaurant and for home. I realize Sunday is "Family Day".

I gently mumble (fer reals, gentle) about why don't we go to the later show? why do we have to go for the matinee?

"We could dear if you want to ..."

Well, I can tell everyone is itching to leave the house so ...

I concede. I don't swim. I don't watch the match.

We go to the movies and I cry. Not because I'm pouting. I'm literally crying at what should be called The Kung-fu Kid. Not at a scene, at various scenes. WTF. I have not told the worker bees or the Triad this. They know a lot of embarassing things about me. But this. Shit, this takes the cake you know?

I feel like someone is injecting me with PMS, but later telling me it's just the placebo.

So in case you weren't sure, or I was still trying to hold on to some tough girl moments of yesteryear. Consider it done. I am not in shape anymore, I am not really THAT angry anymore, and I'm definitely not tough.

Grumpy Cow ...

Says moooove outta my way -- imma grumpy.

No pictures uploaded, laundry still overflowing, knitting at a standstill, birthday coming.

I really have no right to be such a dirthead. I was all anxiety ridden about getting the kid across town to Science Camp this week. First day out the gate, All the MUNI gods aligned and we made uncrowded trains and transferred to bus with ease. I was able to quickly catch the 35 AND the F back to work. I was on time. Why can't I ride that high?

I have been trying to get a handle on why I am such a reversible spazz right now as I said to The New Girl. (spazzy on the inside, and visibly spazzy on the outside). I think it's the birthday thing. I have been pretty normal about it most years, but for some reason, it's affecting me.

so i assume, i'm working some shit out up there in my lalaland. i imagine a cartoony (thinner me) with lots of scratch paper inside my brain, looking an little chaotic at a desk.

TNG says, I'm young at heart and to just enjoy myself. I need to keep her around, like these new sparkly designs. hehe.

Well whatever this is, I need to shake it off before I become a serious buzz kill. In the olden days I'd just lock myself up in my room and sort of detox it out. However being a grown up doesn't allow you that privelage anymore. Now I have to still be around people, you know, like the one I pledged my undying love to, and the other one that I'm supposedly, raising, rearing, guiding and f*cking up all at once.

I really should write a parenting book. Best selling like Sarah Palin eh?

Anyways, working you know ... out in the world of the office, there are other people. Yeah I know! Crazy talk right?!? So here's the thing. You have to try and be normal for them too. Yes, yes, I know they should be tolerant. But really no one needs my b.s. and I don't need theirs. Works both ways you know what I mean.

I'm not full on tourettes or anything right now, but I need to count to 6 and take a deep (non visible) breath before engaging in work conversation.

I need to stop being a grumpy cow.

Non Allergen Kitty

The odds of me getting this for my birthday are very very bad. I think this longshot is limping to the starting gates if you take my meaning.

Kitty Ring

Granny Love

I have love for the granny, really I do.

I love when other people love their grannies.

I am thankful for grannies.

I do not want to knit granny inspired items.

A new feature in ravelry.com that I really like is "Queue it Up!". It pulls project ideas from the ravelry community and ties them in a theme. Last issue was a nautical theme. L O V E it. It's where I got the beach bag pattern from.

This issue the author dedicates to her granny. Granny inspired patterns. Not your granny's granny knitting. The patterns aren't bad, they aren't necessarily grannyish, except for the coasters -- meh. But I think despite the sweetness it was written with, my judgemental lobe decided I'm disappointed.

Hope they keep up this article though. REALLY great feature idea.

Management Report

The quick trip to Yosemite was successful. I will not yammer on about it yet, since I am going to do a whole post on it. It will -- get this include pictures to enhance the story, since I found my handy dandy trusty camera.

In fact there have been multiple complaints to Management of constructive criticism that the oveall photo department has been slacking. Well we acknowledged this is an issue, as we were having resource allocation problems for quite a while. (like no camera dude)

Goal for the weekend will be to upload AND post. crazy talk.

The slow continual purge is in progress. Halted only by the insane amount of laundry generated by 3 people that shall remain nameless. Unfortunately our findings are that holiday fun is only one factor in the size of the mass.

New ipod is online. I haven't figured out all the problems with my library or created a separate profile for the Kid. but so far it's progress ... The Kid likes to wear big ass headphones. I will try to take a snap for you. And I he is STILL WAITING MOM for Michael Jackson tunes ... of his own.

School is officially out, and I bought shorts and wore them in public.

Summer is on like Donkey Kong.

Fat Girl Friday: The Never Ending Story

So my pants have been feeling tight again. You know, not sure if it's a "phase tight" again ... phase.

Anyhow, unhappy the way some of my skirts have begun to make my legs look more stumpy than usual. I had to kind of realize that it wasn't the skirt. It was the body, with it's new modifications, kind of like Darth Vadar, complete with slimming black outfit ;)

I put a few things in the goodwill bag and forgave myself for Target in advance.

Hm, I realize I forgot to mention that at the suggestion of "The New Girl" (at work) I went to Bloomingdales to get fitted for a Real Woman/Mom bra. Not too drab, but "supportive" as HM would say. But that if you get a bra that actually fits properly, things will fall into place well ... properly.

Suffice to say, I found a bra that made me happy that I threatened Man-friend I may never take off. He highly recommended buying an extra one.

Anyways, to get to this point, I had to take my shirt off in front of a stranger, be measured in bad lighting in front of a 3-way (no way out of hell) mirror. Ouch! That was very humbling.

I think I'm ready to become one of those girls who "rinses" only at the pool shower and will wait a day if necessary to shower at home.

Hello World! I have BODY AND SHAME ISSUES!

Today the Man Friend and I took The Kid to school together. We took the first MUNI coming and decided to walk up the hill. On the way up the hill I heard Kid say to Man, "This is the hill I have to help Momma up."

About two blocks up the hill, our idyllic city life comes to life, We see another friend, V and his Mom, my Ally from class, crossing the street, and then we hear D & C with their Mom across the street. D is also in the class. As we took the last steep block up to school, we ran into Alan who said, "Hey! You're going the wrong way!" because we work together and clever early man already dropped his kid at the school.

It was a sweet morning, though I was rather out of breath, and clammy when we finally got the boys and C. up the hill and into line-up.

Right before Pledge of Allegiance, Kid runs up to me and gives me a full-on loving, squishy hug and says, really lovingly, "Geez you're fat!" and runs away back into line.

I know ... brutal right? Did I say something? No.

You know, I have a hard time for reprimanding him for calling me fat at the moment. Because I felt jolly, a little squishy yeah sure. But whatever he was calling me, didn't make me feel ugly, and it made me feel large in the best of ways. I don't know if I'm owning the word, but I think maybe in my own passive aggressive way, I'm teaching him ... it's not always bad.