Yesterday I got a call from Afterschool Care that The Kid, "wasn't his usual self". His cheeks were more than their "usual rosey", and he was really snotty.
I called the Man-friend who had been napping ill as well and said I was on my way to collect prodigal son. He said he'd pick me up and we'd go together, it was raining. of course it's raining...
The Kid had not taken off his army jacket all day long, and was sort of quarantined in a small desk in the corner with one other boy doing his homework. I had minature visions of Judd Nelson in "The Breakfast Club".
So now after another day, evening and night worrying about something that has to be -- the boys being ill, and really being patient even though I'm irritated at them for making me worry, I could barely lift my arm when the alarm went off this morning.
I feel as if I wear a mask of pressure like a bad Nyquil commerical. This I know would fade away, with just getting the hell out of bed and being Mom. However as The Kid hacked cough and wheezing in his father's spot in bed did not really get any better for a good 40 mins I figured I should just let him stay home. We made tea and oatmeal and listened to Harry Potter in the kitchen. We only bickered when he raised it too loud while I did dishes.
Yet the dishes and just the "everyday pick up" left me sweating and I had to sit down.
Completely disregarding illness, I seriously do not understand how Stay at Home Mother's do it. The Kid is older, ill with not the same zeal as say a true Saturday off. However I am constantly cooking, cleaning up the cooking, finishing half finished chores that the working couple did the night before. I am listening for the quiet of the laundry room, to do yet ANOTHER load. I could not imagine one or more child under 5 with the tantrums and the stubborness and the inability to move more than a snail's pace to try and put one's own shoe on. All the interaction to do that, with love and nuture ... really feeling okay reading that bunny story for the 5th time, while all the time, that prep for dinner REALLY needs to get done as well.
It's impressive and reminds me that I lean towards impatience and selfishness still more in my grown up age than I'd like to. However I'm more okay with who I am than I used to be, without all that over compensation. At least about this.
The funny part is I heard The Man friend ask The Kid, "How do you feel today?"
"Oh much better."
"Do you think you can go to school?"
Then he climbed into bed with me and started coughing. I think this was after I said, "Let's see how he is."
Yes part of me is being practical. I don't want to send him to school, just to be snotty, and germy for his classmates and weak ... to not have improved as well as he could've with one more days rest.
Yes part of me is fear of shame. I imagine school staff saying, "Did she send that kid back here again? Didn't we just send his ass home?" And horror upon horror if he actually did get sent home again.
Yes part of me was being indulgent. A chance for a few hours of peace between the two of us. Proximity that we both could enjoy, chores and snot rags aside ... we could drink some tea and rest and just maybe some laundry would be folded and stories would be read.