My cardigan is lost in it.
My cardigan does not grow.
Everything is varigated, i am so confused.
Send help. Where oh where did my knitting mojo go?
Woe is the knitting me.
Wednesday, March 30, 2011
Tuesday, March 29, 2011
HM's Push up Regimen
So as Lindita tells an excellent story of having lunch with HM in a quiet conference room where exercise is discussed, HM asks how many push-ups we can do. Well I go ... maybe 2 or 3? Maybe? Lindita's answer is probably similar to mine. HM is incredulous and says, no I'm sure you can do more. And we ask in the best 3rd grade tone possible, "Well how many can you do?"
"Hmm, *10 easy."
"Really?"
She literally drops and gives us 10. Whoa.
Time passes and HM pings me and says, "Do you want to get on the push-ups regimen with B and me? We're going to try and do 100 push ups in 100 days" ... or something infomercially like that. I kind of think she's being cheeky. Silly me! And I say, well, I can't really do push ups I'll give it a go. I can do like 3.
I tell her maybe The Man Friend can give me advice because I remember in my 20s he was totally the sit-up/push up go to the gym and get on the treadmill kind of guy ... between split shifts at the restaurants. I know Freak right? Need we say more about my weirdo taste in Man Friends?
And I digress again. Back to the regimen.
HM gives me the regimen:
4 sets, with 1 minute in between each.
1: 4 push-ups
2: 6 push-ups
3: 4 push-ups
4: 4 push-ups
5: 6 push-ups
So after having a nice big dinner at Zuni with a glass or two of Pinot Gris, after brushing up and making ready for an early bedtime I try to do the first set of push-ups.
And well ... I can't.
Man friend looks and thankfully without laughing says, "Um, you know, you're not supposed to touch. Keep your body straight."
This means I probably look like I was humping the hardwood floors. Great.
I try again.
"Careful with the elbows" (or something else about my crappy form.)
Man friend scrunches up his face, and demonstrates. Much like the HM, sort of drops and starts doing this stiff push-ups. WTF he never exercises anymore! (he already caught his prize wink wink, ha!)
Okay, with the new "tips" in place I try again. Let me sum it up this way. I did the regimen. I am sore, because my upper body strength is used for things like knitting and putting cardigans on. I barely open my own bottles of wine, and jars are for husbands. I don't really pick up my child, because well he climbs on me uninvited anyways and he's almost as tall as me.
I don't really know if you can call them push-ups. It's more like, elbow bends, and really, really little elbow bends ... possibly elbow dips?
Whatever, I'll keep trying.
To alleviate the guilt of being crappy (which seems to be a theme I struggle with throughout different overcompensating aspects of my life) I did 2 sets of 20 crunches and 10 lower leg lifts. (I think HM put me on a sit up regimen similar to this I flaked on after a week or so).
I also flaked on Shing for running on Monday, but I don't feel so bad about that, since I was in the midst of battling that congestion.
Shing with the running/walking and HM with the upper body strength, Lindita now has a personal trainer AND she can do push ups. I like how there is this other people reform happening that I might benefit from, but probably not.
More elbow dips to come.
*10, 20, 30 I can't remember the amt. something kind of ridiculous to me.
"Hmm, *10 easy."
"Really?"
She literally drops and gives us 10. Whoa.
Time passes and HM pings me and says, "Do you want to get on the push-ups regimen with B and me? We're going to try and do 100 push ups in 100 days" ... or something infomercially like that. I kind of think she's being cheeky. Silly me! And I say, well, I can't really do push ups I'll give it a go. I can do like 3.
I tell her maybe The Man Friend can give me advice because I remember in my 20s he was totally the sit-up/push up go to the gym and get on the treadmill kind of guy ... between split shifts at the restaurants. I know Freak right? Need we say more about my weirdo taste in Man Friends?
And I digress again. Back to the regimen.
HM gives me the regimen:
4 sets, with 1 minute in between each.
1: 4 push-ups
2: 6 push-ups
3: 4 push-ups
4: 4 push-ups
5: 6 push-ups
So after having a nice big dinner at Zuni with a glass or two of Pinot Gris, after brushing up and making ready for an early bedtime I try to do the first set of push-ups.
And well ... I can't.
Man friend looks and thankfully without laughing says, "Um, you know, you're not supposed to touch. Keep your body straight."
This means I probably look like I was humping the hardwood floors. Great.
I try again.
"Careful with the elbows" (or something else about my crappy form.)
Man friend scrunches up his face, and demonstrates. Much like the HM, sort of drops and starts doing this stiff push-ups. WTF he never exercises anymore! (he already caught his prize wink wink, ha!)
Okay, with the new "tips" in place I try again. Let me sum it up this way. I did the regimen. I am sore, because my upper body strength is used for things like knitting and putting cardigans on. I barely open my own bottles of wine, and jars are for husbands. I don't really pick up my child, because well he climbs on me uninvited anyways and he's almost as tall as me.
I don't really know if you can call them push-ups. It's more like, elbow bends, and really, really little elbow bends ... possibly elbow dips?
Whatever, I'll keep trying.
To alleviate the guilt of being crappy (which seems to be a theme I struggle with throughout different overcompensating aspects of my life) I did 2 sets of 20 crunches and 10 lower leg lifts. (I think HM put me on a sit up regimen similar to this I flaked on after a week or so).
I also flaked on Shing for running on Monday, but I don't feel so bad about that, since I was in the midst of battling that congestion.
Shing with the running/walking and HM with the upper body strength, Lindita now has a personal trainer AND she can do push ups. I like how there is this other people reform happening that I might benefit from, but probably not.
More elbow dips to come.
*10, 20, 30 I can't remember the amt. something kind of ridiculous to me.
Monday, March 28, 2011
dither, dather, boring verbal lather ...
My head is somewhere on my neck. I cannot explain the contents, but I believe the recipe was lost somewhere along the way.
I forgot my camera going to pick up The Kid from my MIL's house. I always like to take a picture of my knitting going across the Golden Gate Bridge. (I never said it made sense.) The man-friend thinks this is ... odd.
I didn't make anything this weekend from scratch.
Sunday insomnia was so bad, I succumbed to watching Pearl Harbor at like 2 in the morning. Thank the middle of the night spirits I fell asleep before Josh Harnett's squinty eyes could put the moves on Kate Beckinsdale.
I find that my milk & sugar: coffee ratios are doing really.
The Kid has been really sweet lately. He still holds my hand on the sidewalk, and gives me a hug when no one is looking. I think trying to teach him to play Rummy 500 and pretending like I care about all his Club Penguin babbling has elevated me temporarily. I'm still not Dad though ;)
Feeling strong in the knit zone. I have gotten over the crappy dimensions of Badette's baby blanket. The remedy suggested by many a knitter? Garter stitch border around a rectangle. So it may resemble more of a magic carpet than a blanket. This seems to be a common problem for me and blankets.
I was doing pretty well with the cardigan too. Then I hit the "how did my yarn get so tangled?" place and my friends spent an hour untangling and I cut to start again ... Why is it easier to untangle someone else's yarn? Easier to clean someone else's kitchen? I don't know. Anyways, the cardigan was never horribly derailed so I thought I'd work on it at home, but ... I dropped a stitch and the more I tried to repair it the worse it seemed to get. Drat. I will consult HM today. It's just odd I've fixed this kind of stitch before, but I can't recall how to do it correctly, I thought for sure muscle memory would wake up after a few tries. Alas. Back to the blanket.
I forgot my camera going to pick up The Kid from my MIL's house. I always like to take a picture of my knitting going across the Golden Gate Bridge. (I never said it made sense.) The man-friend thinks this is ... odd.
I didn't make anything this weekend from scratch.
Sunday insomnia was so bad, I succumbed to watching Pearl Harbor at like 2 in the morning. Thank the middle of the night spirits I fell asleep before Josh Harnett's squinty eyes could put the moves on Kate Beckinsdale.
I find that my milk & sugar: coffee ratios are doing really.
The Kid has been really sweet lately. He still holds my hand on the sidewalk, and gives me a hug when no one is looking. I think trying to teach him to play Rummy 500 and pretending like I care about all his Club Penguin babbling has elevated me temporarily. I'm still not Dad though ;)
Feeling strong in the knit zone. I have gotten over the crappy dimensions of Badette's baby blanket. The remedy suggested by many a knitter? Garter stitch border around a rectangle. So it may resemble more of a magic carpet than a blanket. This seems to be a common problem for me and blankets.
I was doing pretty well with the cardigan too. Then I hit the "how did my yarn get so tangled?" place and my friends spent an hour untangling and I cut to start again ... Why is it easier to untangle someone else's yarn? Easier to clean someone else's kitchen? I don't know. Anyways, the cardigan was never horribly derailed so I thought I'd work on it at home, but ... I dropped a stitch and the more I tried to repair it the worse it seemed to get. Drat. I will consult HM today. It's just odd I've fixed this kind of stitch before, but I can't recall how to do it correctly, I thought for sure muscle memory would wake up after a few tries. Alas. Back to the blanket.
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
Make it Better!
Last night I slept so good. I slept so so good. Even though I am still getting over this icky headcold I feel GOOD. I woke up this morning to the sounds of Man-friend corraling The Kid through the before school rituals and took a big stretch. I think there were chubby cartoon birds hovering on my left and right whistling a happy song. I decided against getting up immediately and laid back down, determined not to make any effort until the last of the boy energy left the house.
I went to turn the kettle on so there would be hot water for coffee when I got out of the shower. Quel Surprise! There was a cup of coffee already made for me in my "Knit Happy" mug that Lu gave me. (Aww shucks, you're the best Lu!) so I hopped in the shower and scrubbed and revived and rejuvenated like a good little worker bee. Ever conscious of time, I still turned on the local news while I moisturized and dressed. I put together a little bag of yarn to swap on Friday after school. I didn't want to bring it in on Friday, because I would have to drag it through the school commute with The Kid before I could get it to work. This is so much more efficient.
I knew I should go get my friend's birthday present at lunchtime instead of after work so I could get home on time for homework/dinner so I looked sadly at my knitting bag as I got ready to leave. And then I thought, maybe I could knit on the street car up to the bookstore at lunch! Of course! I CAN have it all!
I was starving before I even finished my first beverage at work today. (1/2 of that pre-made coffee from earlier) and I knew going to the bookstore would be cutting my time close ... and they are watching us like hawks here, but even supermodels eat ... ocassionally. So, I decided to pick up lunch while I was out would and it would have to be something pretty quick ... I use Nextbus.com to maximizes my lunch hour instead of waiting around for the bust. However instead of knitting on the streetcar I run into a friend from the past. He had his handsome son with him ,ready for naptime after a morning at the aquarium with his Dad. Very sweet ... but buh-bye boys, I got two of those at home that always need naps too, if you know what I'm sayin', and this is Momma's lunch hour. Not that there was any implication of hanging out on either side. I was just excited to be alone.Yet despite the butt hauling I attempt to do, I end up buying more than 1 book, I pick up lunch at Super Duper. (which was super yum) but I missed the streetcar on the way back!
Why? In the middle of this keep making it better moment I will rant to you.
Because there was a woman ON HER CELLPHONE trying to open a door and manuever a baby carriage out of it, and wasn't really doing anything with any focus but keep that phone stuck to the side of her face. The door was leaning (in a non threatening way) on her huge stroller. It was actually kind of impressive. However looking back, that from the moment I saw her in the restaurant she was chatting. I'm guessing the kid was sleeping, b/c I didn't look at it, and I don't think she did either. I bet she developed enough sweat on that phone it could magically stick to her face. I don't think that having long conversations and doing "things" in public is multi-tasking. I'm going old school on this one and I'm going to say it's a form of selfishness/self centeredness and impolite.
Also, what's up with those HUGE strollers?
I digress ... it's okay that I missed the F - streetcar, because I knit while I waited and I brought just in case taxi money, in case the ticking clock and my anxiety got the better of me. Also, instead of feeling guilty for eating a hamburger (that I wouldn't talk myself out of) for lunch, I got the mini size. It's still a cheeseburger, but really ... what I eat doesn't bother me as much as the amount that I seem to eat. If I didn't have control issues, I wouldn't have control issues. ha!
I look at today with the hopes I'm going to end it with another night of sleep that if it isn't better than last night's, it's going to be just as good.
I went to turn the kettle on so there would be hot water for coffee when I got out of the shower. Quel Surprise! There was a cup of coffee already made for me in my "Knit Happy" mug that Lu gave me. (Aww shucks, you're the best Lu!) so I hopped in the shower and scrubbed and revived and rejuvenated like a good little worker bee. Ever conscious of time, I still turned on the local news while I moisturized and dressed. I put together a little bag of yarn to swap on Friday after school. I didn't want to bring it in on Friday, because I would have to drag it through the school commute with The Kid before I could get it to work. This is so much more efficient.
I knew I should go get my friend's birthday present at lunchtime instead of after work so I could get home on time for homework/dinner so I looked sadly at my knitting bag as I got ready to leave. And then I thought, maybe I could knit on the street car up to the bookstore at lunch! Of course! I CAN have it all!
I was starving before I even finished my first beverage at work today. (1/2 of that pre-made coffee from earlier) and I knew going to the bookstore would be cutting my time close ... and they are watching us like hawks here, but even supermodels eat ... ocassionally. So, I decided to pick up lunch while I was out would and it would have to be something pretty quick ... I use Nextbus.com to maximizes my lunch hour instead of waiting around for the bust. However instead of knitting on the streetcar I run into a friend from the past. He had his handsome son with him ,ready for naptime after a morning at the aquarium with his Dad. Very sweet ... but buh-bye boys, I got two of those at home that always need naps too, if you know what I'm sayin', and this is Momma's lunch hour. Not that there was any implication of hanging out on either side. I was just excited to be alone.Yet despite the butt hauling I attempt to do, I end up buying more than 1 book, I pick up lunch at Super Duper. (which was super yum) but I missed the streetcar on the way back!
Why? In the middle of this keep making it better moment I will rant to you.
Because there was a woman ON HER CELLPHONE trying to open a door and manuever a baby carriage out of it, and wasn't really doing anything with any focus but keep that phone stuck to the side of her face. The door was leaning (in a non threatening way) on her huge stroller. It was actually kind of impressive. However looking back, that from the moment I saw her in the restaurant she was chatting. I'm guessing the kid was sleeping, b/c I didn't look at it, and I don't think she did either. I bet she developed enough sweat on that phone it could magically stick to her face. I don't think that having long conversations and doing "things" in public is multi-tasking. I'm going old school on this one and I'm going to say it's a form of selfishness/self centeredness and impolite.
Also, what's up with those HUGE strollers?
I digress ... it's okay that I missed the F - streetcar, because I knit while I waited and I brought just in case taxi money, in case the ticking clock and my anxiety got the better of me. Also, instead of feeling guilty for eating a hamburger (that I wouldn't talk myself out of) for lunch, I got the mini size. It's still a cheeseburger, but really ... what I eat doesn't bother me as much as the amount that I seem to eat. If I didn't have control issues, I wouldn't have control issues. ha!
I look at today with the hopes I'm going to end it with another night of sleep that if it isn't better than last night's, it's going to be just as good.
Tryin' to feel younger or prettier or not stinky and clean ...
This is not a genius list.
1. Nivea's Smooth Sensation Daily Lotion : I gotta tell you. I love this stuff. I was ready to try it when it said, "quick absorption." I hate in the morning when I'm hauling *ss out the shower and I slather on some lotion to keep the "olds" away and suddenly I can barely put my jeans on because my legs are sticky from my body lotion. I know people, serious problems right? I am soft AND smooth people. Feel the green!
2. St. Ives Apricot Scrub : Excellent for patchy dry skin moments. Personally was so happy to get my mitts on this stuff, post an overly tissue rubbed nose. Obviously the skin was still all rough and a little dead around my nose and upper lip. What can I say, a little dab will do ya and I felt so much better. Don't laugh I'll scrub my arm pits with this stuff too. TMI -- too bad!
3. Softlips and Chapstick Fresh Effects : I haven't actually tried the green tea version that I have linked to here for chapstick, but I have to tell you both have been really soothing in bad weathers and bad colds and late night invisalign drooling. Wow I'm chockful of TMI today. -- seriously I know I'm not alone.
I just found out that softlips does a lip gloss as well. Heck, I might have to go another level of crazy!
4. Footcream. My old PM CKL gave me some amazing stuff for xmas with all this happy lavendar smells. It really softens your feet over night, working into the cracked heels of my mule, flip flop, wedge loving feet. But you know, I can't always get the fancy CKL stuff, but I like the Dr. Scholls and St. Ives stuff as well, especially when you know it's going to be a while till the next pedicure.
5. Handcream: Nivea handcream with shea butter, smells pretty good, works fast, great for knitting and cooking days where there are tons of dishes.
6. Neosporin and Aquafor. Love that crap. Slather on kid, slather on me depending on the kind of blemish ... sure you might look shiny ... but at least it clears issues up fast.
7. Hairbrushes and rubberbands. I keep trying to tell the kid that it's important. You know a few waves of the brush and it's like magic. Suddenly it appears ... you've made effort. When the brush isn't around try the ponytail/rubberband thing (the kid doesn't have that much hair so it's really just for me).
What I'm gonna try this weekend: Some kind of foaming hair dye. If only they had something that straightened and uncurlied angry gray hairs as well as dye them.
Maybe I won't dye it. I dunno if I necessarily need to look "younger" I think #7 puts me onto something though. I need to look like I care a little, so I suppose I should try a little. ugh. I'm exhausted already. I use all my effort in moisturizing. ha!
1. Nivea's Smooth Sensation Daily Lotion : I gotta tell you. I love this stuff. I was ready to try it when it said, "quick absorption." I hate in the morning when I'm hauling *ss out the shower and I slather on some lotion to keep the "olds" away and suddenly I can barely put my jeans on because my legs are sticky from my body lotion. I know people, serious problems right? I am soft AND smooth people. Feel the green!
2. St. Ives Apricot Scrub : Excellent for patchy dry skin moments. Personally was so happy to get my mitts on this stuff, post an overly tissue rubbed nose. Obviously the skin was still all rough and a little dead around my nose and upper lip. What can I say, a little dab will do ya and I felt so much better. Don't laugh I'll scrub my arm pits with this stuff too. TMI -- too bad!
3. Softlips and Chapstick Fresh Effects : I haven't actually tried the green tea version that I have linked to here for chapstick, but I have to tell you both have been really soothing in bad weathers and bad colds and late night invisalign drooling. Wow I'm chockful of TMI today. -- seriously I know I'm not alone.
I just found out that softlips does a lip gloss as well. Heck, I might have to go another level of crazy!
4. Footcream. My old PM CKL gave me some amazing stuff for xmas with all this happy lavendar smells. It really softens your feet over night, working into the cracked heels of my mule, flip flop, wedge loving feet. But you know, I can't always get the fancy CKL stuff, but I like the Dr. Scholls and St. Ives stuff as well, especially when you know it's going to be a while till the next pedicure.
5. Handcream: Nivea handcream with shea butter, smells pretty good, works fast, great for knitting and cooking days where there are tons of dishes.
6. Neosporin and Aquafor. Love that crap. Slather on kid, slather on me depending on the kind of blemish ... sure you might look shiny ... but at least it clears issues up fast.
7. Hairbrushes and rubberbands. I keep trying to tell the kid that it's important. You know a few waves of the brush and it's like magic. Suddenly it appears ... you've made effort. When the brush isn't around try the ponytail/rubberband thing (the kid doesn't have that much hair so it's really just for me).
What I'm gonna try this weekend: Some kind of foaming hair dye. If only they had something that straightened and uncurlied angry gray hairs as well as dye them.
Maybe I won't dye it. I dunno if I necessarily need to look "younger" I think #7 puts me onto something though. I need to look like I care a little, so I suppose I should try a little. ugh. I'm exhausted already. I use all my effort in moisturizing. ha!
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
Decongest
It hit me Thursday night, but on Friday I was ready to cry for my Mom by the time I left the office, clock watching and drowning in snot...
I'm lucky enough The Kid is mellow and he played on his own most of the Saturday as I explained I did not feel well. Genuinely relieved I would be attending to his meals, he was "OK" with Mom having a sick day. Around 1pm he came into my room and pet my arm and read to me from his Harry Potter book for a few pages. It was right out of an old timey book.
I rallied a little after that, but we decided we were staying in our jammies.
You know wanna know how ill I felt? I didn't pick up knitting needles. I know. Knitting made my head hurt.
-- No, you know like real physical pain, not like that irritated feeling thing that teenage girl bragging induces.
Sunday seemed to bring some renewal, and I didnt fear going to work so much. -- At least for health reasons ;) But then I got all evening congested and grouchy. This brought on some of the craziest anxiety dreams I've had in a while. I was picking up dirty laundry that belonged to the boys off a beach and I got attacked by fire ants. STINGING MY HEAD!!! I woke up in a sweat over that one. I was running with The Kid to make our transfer from a, wait for it ... wooden wagon right out of Laura Ingalls, to a bus waiting to take us to another town. Running, are we going to make it? Are we??? Crap! We left the book bag in the wagon, we'll have to ask Neil Patrick Harris to give it to us on Monday. (Hey its my crazy brain I can't explain better than that.)
So though I haven't exactly been active, I feel exhuasted. I just want to work on my knitting, have a cup of tea and a glass of wine (for medicinal purposes I promise). More than a few blocks walking tires me. I feel like I need a nap all the time, but even when I go lay down ... I lay there like a creepy cat ... blink, blink ... yarn, can't sleep ... blink blink... yarn ...
More reasons to not do chores when ill at home: I insisted on cleaning the bathroom because I needed to kill my germs. I got bleach water mixture on my favorite Ravelry hoodie. Crap.
I'm lucky enough The Kid is mellow and he played on his own most of the Saturday as I explained I did not feel well. Genuinely relieved I would be attending to his meals, he was "OK" with Mom having a sick day. Around 1pm he came into my room and pet my arm and read to me from his Harry Potter book for a few pages. It was right out of an old timey book.
I rallied a little after that, but we decided we were staying in our jammies.
You know wanna know how ill I felt? I didn't pick up knitting needles. I know. Knitting made my head hurt.
-- No, you know like real physical pain, not like that irritated feeling thing that teenage girl bragging induces.
Sunday seemed to bring some renewal, and I didnt fear going to work so much. -- At least for health reasons ;) But then I got all evening congested and grouchy. This brought on some of the craziest anxiety dreams I've had in a while. I was picking up dirty laundry that belonged to the boys off a beach and I got attacked by fire ants. STINGING MY HEAD!!! I woke up in a sweat over that one. I was running with The Kid to make our transfer from a, wait for it ... wooden wagon right out of Laura Ingalls, to a bus waiting to take us to another town. Running, are we going to make it? Are we??? Crap! We left the book bag in the wagon, we'll have to ask Neil Patrick Harris to give it to us on Monday. (Hey its my crazy brain I can't explain better than that.)
So though I haven't exactly been active, I feel exhuasted. I just want to work on my knitting, have a cup of tea and a glass of wine (for medicinal purposes I promise). More than a few blocks walking tires me. I feel like I need a nap all the time, but even when I go lay down ... I lay there like a creepy cat ... blink, blink ... yarn, can't sleep ... blink blink... yarn ...
More reasons to not do chores when ill at home: I insisted on cleaning the bathroom because I needed to kill my germs. I got bleach water mixture on my favorite Ravelry hoodie. Crap.
Wednesday, March 16, 2011
Selfish and Sad Distractions
HM said to me, "I love the things that make you sad." ha. It's true, not like sorrowful, but you know childish sadness. Things that are ridiculous if not borderline so. We like to laugh.
The fact that I was convinced I was going to win My Sister's Knitter's yarn give away. It's not that I didn't win. I don't win a lot, but seriously I was SURE I was going to win, like gambler's anonymous sure.
There is a good chance I am eating out of my file cabinet tomorrow. I really do like tea and canned soup. However I do not like feeling like I have to drink tea and eat canned soup. Have to eating makes me sad. I ate a banana for breakfast and it makes me feel so boring. Boring like a chambray shirt with khaki pants. Ouch!
I'm sad that I've attempted at least 4 posts on knitting and I put myself to sleep. zzzzzzzzzz. boring!
When I wear the underwear that doesn't work right with the pants. These are not visibility issues, but comfortability issues. I don't know how to explain it but that me and my pants are moving in one direction, and my underwear wants to go another way.
I am an animal from a cartoon. huffin' and puffin ... I can't run farther without feeling like I'm heavy. I keep trying. Don't you worry, I know. It's a hard thing knowing and not doing. Therefore I have to just try. It's like reconciling one's personal expectations all the time. It's exhausting, but the hurt it does the self esteem/ego is just too much to keep enduring right now. So yes, I keep trying the run/walk intervals and I keep trying to manage my expectations of everything and everyone including the ME. (Aka Mrs. Huffs Alot)
I miss the way I used to enjoy ice cream. Not that I've cut it out of my life or anything sensible like that. I just don't really eat ice cream anymore because I don't really enjoy it with the same joy. Even ... coffee ice cream. I know! I feel like an ingrate!
Yes, I am completely aware of how gluttonous this rabble makes me seem and I'm completely aware of the desperate times that very good, better than me people are living in.
I started off feeling funny about my sads. Things seemed to get a little awkward there huh? Sorry about that. Must be the guilt.
Sad Distractions.
The fact that I was convinced I was going to win My Sister's Knitter's yarn give away. It's not that I didn't win. I don't win a lot, but seriously I was SURE I was going to win, like gambler's anonymous sure.
There is a good chance I am eating out of my file cabinet tomorrow. I really do like tea and canned soup. However I do not like feeling like I have to drink tea and eat canned soup. Have to eating makes me sad. I ate a banana for breakfast and it makes me feel so boring. Boring like a chambray shirt with khaki pants. Ouch!
I'm sad that I've attempted at least 4 posts on knitting and I put myself to sleep. zzzzzzzzzz. boring!
When I wear the underwear that doesn't work right with the pants. These are not visibility issues, but comfortability issues. I don't know how to explain it but that me and my pants are moving in one direction, and my underwear wants to go another way.
I am an animal from a cartoon. huffin' and puffin ... I can't run farther without feeling like I'm heavy. I keep trying. Don't you worry, I know. It's a hard thing knowing and not doing. Therefore I have to just try. It's like reconciling one's personal expectations all the time. It's exhausting, but the hurt it does the self esteem/ego is just too much to keep enduring right now. So yes, I keep trying the run/walk intervals and I keep trying to manage my expectations of everything and everyone including the ME. (Aka Mrs. Huffs Alot)
I miss the way I used to enjoy ice cream. Not that I've cut it out of my life or anything sensible like that. I just don't really eat ice cream anymore because I don't really enjoy it with the same joy. Even ... coffee ice cream. I know! I feel like an ingrate!
Yes, I am completely aware of how gluttonous this rabble makes me seem and I'm completely aware of the desperate times that very good, better than me people are living in.
I started off feeling funny about my sads. Things seemed to get a little awkward there huh? Sorry about that. Must be the guilt.
Sad Distractions.
Wednesday, March 9, 2011
Instead of the usual crap, I'm going to try another bullet list.
Instead of being sad or angry or chockful of self-pity at feeling a little lost right now for various reasons, some of them valid, and some of them whipped up like the topping on a Orange Caramel Frappacinno... I'm going to redirect. Some might call it denial. And yes, well ... that might be true too, but it feels a lot better.
*Tangerine Curd from the Joy the Baker. She gets referenced a lot on various blogs, I know, but it doesn't make it any less intriguing. Citrus is almost done (some would argue it already is), but my desire to try and make some has not been squealched. Now that HM has gotten me a handy dandy little strainer for my overcooked bits of egg ... I am ready.
*Bake my own bread. I know it's nothing inventive or exciting. I mean the way people wax poetic about bread baking is one step away from sock knitting for me. I get it in sort of an abstract way. I like knitting, I like baking. However those two specific things feel ... chorey to me. And yet! I mentioned the possibility of knitting some citrus socks before and now here I am clucking on about a bread filled oven. Well people, I'll tell you why. I had been keeping one of those Pillsbury Simple tube o' bread in the fridge for one of those, oh crap, I gotta make dinner nights (they happen WAY more often than you'd think) and well I had one on Monday. The Kid was sick from school and no victuals had been procured so I baked it. The Kid came into the kitchen all salivating and happy. Grinning, barely burning his skinny butt fingers for a slice w/butter. I swear I told him it wasn't from scratch. Nonetheless, he was so charmed, so I figured if I actually made bread from scratch, it might give me another tally in the Best Mom column. I could use that right now. Selfish gel that I am.
*Shortribs in curry. When I was a kid, we used funny odd bits of meat for curry. Just a little bit of meat in curry goes a long way. I often picked the meat out, because it wasn't very tender. Anyhow. I think now ... of my love of fatty flavourful meats and I think, hmm, why not stick it in a curry. This weekend, it's gonna happen people.
*Knitting & All the nice people that knit. Knitting has really just made me such a happier person. It has improved my ability to go to sleep at night, wind down faster than any glass of wine, without the calories and potential emo outpour. I am so surprised at the support of other knitters, whether it's long time friends, knitting circle friends, or the lady on the bus that wants to talk about her favorite lace pattern and ask about mine. It's introduced me to a world of immediate and virtual people with great stories, patterns, and lives. They seem so kind, always sharing and creative. It makes me so excited to think about knitting it's rather ridiculous. If only it were cardiovascular exercise ...
*Skinny Butt Booty Shakin' Before Bathtime. Seriously, I don't care if I was just yelling at him for some mess or attitude smack talkin', the skinny mini little boy dance party, it still makes me laugh.
*Throwing crap away. I have such a hard time with letting go of all kinds of things. Mentally moving on is an extreme problem for me. Even when it appears I've let go, there's usually a lot of cranial regurgitation happening. I just don't show it. I don't share it. Topic is off conversation etc. Okay enough example mania. Everytime I go through "things", clutter or my clothing and get rid of stuff I feel like a blue ribbon winner.
Instead of the usual crap, I'm going to cling to my blue ribbon moments. When I am shushing my brain to sleep in the middle of the night, I am grateful I'm not so alone and cold while I do it.
*Tangerine Curd from the Joy the Baker. She gets referenced a lot on various blogs, I know, but it doesn't make it any less intriguing. Citrus is almost done (some would argue it already is), but my desire to try and make some has not been squealched. Now that HM has gotten me a handy dandy little strainer for my overcooked bits of egg ... I am ready.
*Bake my own bread. I know it's nothing inventive or exciting. I mean the way people wax poetic about bread baking is one step away from sock knitting for me. I get it in sort of an abstract way. I like knitting, I like baking. However those two specific things feel ... chorey to me. And yet! I mentioned the possibility of knitting some citrus socks before and now here I am clucking on about a bread filled oven. Well people, I'll tell you why. I had been keeping one of those Pillsbury Simple tube o' bread in the fridge for one of those, oh crap, I gotta make dinner nights (they happen WAY more often than you'd think) and well I had one on Monday. The Kid was sick from school and no victuals had been procured so I baked it. The Kid came into the kitchen all salivating and happy. Grinning, barely burning his skinny butt fingers for a slice w/butter. I swear I told him it wasn't from scratch. Nonetheless, he was so charmed, so I figured if I actually made bread from scratch, it might give me another tally in the Best Mom column. I could use that right now. Selfish gel that I am.
*Shortribs in curry. When I was a kid, we used funny odd bits of meat for curry. Just a little bit of meat in curry goes a long way. I often picked the meat out, because it wasn't very tender. Anyhow. I think now ... of my love of fatty flavourful meats and I think, hmm, why not stick it in a curry. This weekend, it's gonna happen people.
*Knitting & All the nice people that knit. Knitting has really just made me such a happier person. It has improved my ability to go to sleep at night, wind down faster than any glass of wine, without the calories and potential emo outpour. I am so surprised at the support of other knitters, whether it's long time friends, knitting circle friends, or the lady on the bus that wants to talk about her favorite lace pattern and ask about mine. It's introduced me to a world of immediate and virtual people with great stories, patterns, and lives. They seem so kind, always sharing and creative. It makes me so excited to think about knitting it's rather ridiculous. If only it were cardiovascular exercise ...
*Skinny Butt Booty Shakin' Before Bathtime. Seriously, I don't care if I was just yelling at him for some mess or attitude smack talkin', the skinny mini little boy dance party, it still makes me laugh.
*Throwing crap away. I have such a hard time with letting go of all kinds of things. Mentally moving on is an extreme problem for me. Even when it appears I've let go, there's usually a lot of cranial regurgitation happening. I just don't show it. I don't share it. Topic is off conversation etc. Okay enough example mania. Everytime I go through "things", clutter or my clothing and get rid of stuff I feel like a blue ribbon winner.
Instead of the usual crap, I'm going to cling to my blue ribbon moments. When I am shushing my brain to sleep in the middle of the night, I am grateful I'm not so alone and cold while I do it.
Wednesday, March 2, 2011
Hobby Whoring ...
I am a bad person. I think all 3 of you know this, since all 3 of you know actually know me.
I'm not talking about my acid words from my bitter tongue. I am not talking about my tyrannical ways in raising my son. I am completely disregarding my task master methods of being a wife ...
I'm talking about my hobby whoring ways. I'm talking about my lack of focus and that I think I left a pair of shoes under my knitting chair in the living room, bad, very bad, follow-through habits.
See I know a lot of those wonderful crafty bloggers, with their fancy photos and their well organized categories would call this next bullet list a "To Do List". Where me, it's more like a "Nice To Do" list. The worst part is these bloggers make me feel like, really between their 5 kids and the 2nd book they are publishing and the new recipes they are inventing ... if they can do it, bah! crap! I can do it too.
Alas this is not true.
End Bullet List Intro Here:
Make a ruffle skirt for me and my kid sister like this.http://thedillspiel.blogspot.com/2010/09/coastal-curtsy-skirt-tutorial.html
When visiting GreenClogs and perusing her blog, I thought, "yeah, yeah. I need to make Lemon Curd with Farmer's Market eggs too!"
When perusing knitting ideas. My sister's knitter stirred something within, that I thought would never happen. She put up a photo of "citrus striped socks" and I have to say ... I think I may want to make those too ... crap! Socks? Is nothing off limits anymore.
HM though she never updates her blogs has this cream scone recipe that seems doable. Though I am batting .500 for scones right now. Hockey puck or ugly lump. The ugly lump is usually edible though.
That's on top of my desire to make jamprints and rasberry sandwich cookies and a 3 Ps dinner (pork tenderloin, potatoes and peas).
Now I know that I have a lot of envy. It's not malicious envy so I'm okay with it. HM is the original hobby whore. The impressive thing is she actually gives her various hobbies a go. Terrariums, jamming/canning, embossing, guitar lessons, japanese lessons...
I just kind of daydream about it. So much daydreaming nothing is really getting done.
I'm not talking about my acid words from my bitter tongue. I am not talking about my tyrannical ways in raising my son. I am completely disregarding my task master methods of being a wife ...
I'm talking about my hobby whoring ways. I'm talking about my lack of focus and that I think I left a pair of shoes under my knitting chair in the living room, bad, very bad, follow-through habits.
See I know a lot of those wonderful crafty bloggers, with their fancy photos and their well organized categories would call this next bullet list a "To Do List". Where me, it's more like a "Nice To Do" list. The worst part is these bloggers make me feel like, really between their 5 kids and the 2nd book they are publishing and the new recipes they are inventing ... if they can do it, bah! crap! I can do it too.
Alas this is not true.
End Bullet List Intro Here:
Make a ruffle skirt for me and my kid sister like this.http://thedillspiel.blogspot.com/2010/09/coastal-curtsy-skirt-tutorial.html
When visiting GreenClogs and perusing her blog, I thought, "yeah, yeah. I need to make Lemon Curd with Farmer's Market eggs too!"
When perusing knitting ideas. My sister's knitter stirred something within, that I thought would never happen. She put up a photo of "citrus striped socks" and I have to say ... I think I may want to make those too ... crap! Socks? Is nothing off limits anymore.
HM though she never updates her blogs has this cream scone recipe that seems doable. Though I am batting .500 for scones right now. Hockey puck or ugly lump. The ugly lump is usually edible though.
That's on top of my desire to make jamprints and rasberry sandwich cookies and a 3 Ps dinner (pork tenderloin, potatoes and peas).
Now I know that I have a lot of envy. It's not malicious envy so I'm okay with it. HM is the original hobby whore. The impressive thing is she actually gives her various hobbies a go. Terrariums, jamming/canning, embossing, guitar lessons, japanese lessons...
I just kind of daydream about it. So much daydreaming nothing is really getting done.
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