Tuesday, March 29, 2011

HM's Push up Regimen

So as Lindita tells an excellent story of having lunch with HM in a quiet conference room where exercise is discussed, HM asks how many push-ups we can do. Well I go ... maybe 2 or 3? Maybe? Lindita's answer is probably similar to mine. HM is incredulous and says, no I'm sure you can do more. And we ask in the best 3rd grade tone possible, "Well how many can you do?"

"Hmm, *10 easy."


She literally drops and gives us 10. Whoa.

Time passes and HM pings me and says, "Do you want to get on the push-ups regimen with B and me? We're going to try and do 100 push ups in 100 days" ... or something infomercially like that. I kind of think she's being cheeky. Silly me! And I say, well, I can't really do push ups I'll give it a go. I can do like 3.

I tell her maybe The Man Friend can give me advice because I remember in my 20s he was totally the sit-up/push up go to the gym and get on the treadmill kind of guy ... between split shifts at the restaurants. I know Freak right? Need we say more about my weirdo taste in Man Friends?

And I digress again. Back to the regimen.

HM gives me the regimen:

4 sets, with 1 minute in between each.
1: 4 push-ups
2: 6 push-ups
3: 4 push-ups
4: 4 push-ups
5: 6 push-ups

So after having a nice big dinner at Zuni with a glass or two of Pinot Gris, after brushing up and making ready for an early bedtime I try to do the first set of push-ups.

And well ... I can't.

Man friend looks and thankfully without laughing says, "Um, you know, you're not supposed to touch. Keep your body straight."

This means I probably look like I was humping the hardwood floors. Great.

I try again.

"Careful with the elbows" (or something else about my crappy form.)

Man friend scrunches up his face, and demonstrates. Much like the HM, sort of drops and starts doing this stiff push-ups. WTF he never exercises anymore! (he already caught his prize wink wink, ha!)

Okay, with the new "tips" in place I try again. Let me sum it up this way. I did the regimen. I am sore, because my upper body strength is used for things like knitting and putting cardigans on. I barely open my own bottles of wine, and jars are for husbands. I don't really pick up my child, because well he climbs on me uninvited anyways and he's almost as tall as me.

I don't really know if you can call them push-ups. It's more like, elbow bends, and really, really little elbow bends ... possibly elbow dips?

Whatever, I'll keep trying.

To alleviate the guilt of being crappy (which seems to be a theme I struggle with throughout different overcompensating aspects of my life) I did 2 sets of 20 crunches and 10 lower leg lifts. (I think HM put me on a sit up regimen similar to this I flaked on after a week or so).

I also flaked on Shing for running on Monday, but I don't feel so bad about that, since I was in the midst of battling that congestion.

Shing with the running/walking and HM with the upper body strength, Lindita now has a personal trainer AND she can do push ups. I like how there is this other people reform happening that I might benefit from, but probably not.
More elbow dips to come.

*10, 20, 30 I can't remember the amt. something kind of ridiculous to  me.


  1. You are hysterical. I have no upper body strength either. twice a week i run at the gym and then i head for the weigh machines so that i can strengthen my arms and back and all those other muscles that keep me from collapsing into a heap.

    As for decluttering - get yourself a box of those large black trash bags. Label several for donations and several for trash and go room to room and drawer to drawer filling the bags with stuff you don't need or use. The black bags help make the whole easier - its best not to see or focus on what's gone. Just focus on all that you have and love.

    And my kiddos like it when i listen to their club penguin babbling too - i have no idea what they are saying. thankfully they don't play that often.

  2. There is no shame in isolated your upper body strength for knitting. Now the humping the floor during your push up attempts busted me up, You are fun!