Vacation Vain

Okay, I'm going to admit, that I'm going to start like a brat from the get go. However as I am who I am. I feel completely justified.

I love to day dream. I love to day dream about travel. I love to think, if I had the opportunity, what would I do to get away.

And now in with a chance, with opportunity staring me down in my round brown face, I realize I'm a joke.

I think this is hitting me harder than I want to admit. I realize the reality, and yet, I'm awkward.

Logic is there, and personal contribution towards defeat is realized, and yet ... it is the same.

I realize that for me to utilize a 7 day off period of time. (For the first time in at least 3 -4 years) that it is not MY time. I have to share it with 2 other people. which is what I want! On the otherhand, I realize it will be me that has to do all the planning and all the fretting of what will come to fruition and that just damn sucks.

And in this moment I realize I am over it.

I am partially willing to play martyr and say, If I'm the only one to make an effort, I can forgoe my effort. Let it be.

And then I realize that it's my week off as well and geez, I'm screwing myself.

I can't think what is logical right now. I can't think about what would be best right now. All I know is I'm down to a finite amount of time where things won't be overpriced and illogical to go somewheres we can all enjoy equally.

(Because quite frankly, toasting weiners and smores for 5 days out of 7 isn't browning my marshmallow if you know what I mean.)

I'm tired.

What's worse than being tired?

Being tired and bitter. It's like being cold ... and wet.

I have to stop now for further detail later. The potential for this to get nasty is strong, like hurricane season in August on Miami.

Hmm, somewhere else we shouldn't go, that we haven't been, that we probably will never go.

Wow. Tastes like last night's walk of shame with no toothbrush.