Thursday, August 9, 2012

The truth about my knitting

I have fear of button bands.

Picked up Tea Leaves to work on the button bands with great dread. I did this cardigan in baby size and it was angry with me. The button bands I mean. It puckered. I took the Ravelry-ers (what is the proper term for the other fiber/yarn/knit/crochet nutters?) and picked up 1 for every two rows. This means I skipped every other slipped edge. I think it does not translate. I finished out 4 rows to see if I needed to rip it back. It's not the first time I've had to work something "simple" a million times to get it right.

It seemed okay. But instead of knitting under the influence of wine, I was knitting under the influence of the Olympics and fatigue and I can't say I was tracking my rows and stitch counts very well.

I'm on button band #2 (sans the button holes) and just kind of saying a garment prayer of please let this turn out because it's giving me anxiety.

Which leads me back to the truth about my knitting. I think there are times that my fear of screwing up delays my completion. I think there are times when my anxiety to complete something has me barrel through with errors. Often these errors are not fixed. It's like, fine, I cheated on my boyfriend just to ensure I'd end the relationship since I didn't have the stones to do it the right way. (Wow does that make any sense?  Am I reading too much *celebrity smut?)

Knitting fears, life fears ... bah! I tell you I'm a ball of anxiety, a ball, people. People tell me I'm not enjoying life when I have these bouts, that I'm unable to be thankful for what I have. FIE I say. It's the complete opposite. It is because I care and value things so much more than I am capable of handling. I know what is it stake. I know how easily things can go wrong. I know I can lose a little or a lot and I'm not a very good loser, at least not on the inside.

Thank goodness there is yarn to keep my hands busy, and my mind a little calmer.

*Love Lainey Gossip. Love the celebrity smut. Does it make me a better person? No. But I like it. Forgive me friends, for I have DailyMailed too much...

No comments:

Post a Comment