Family Quotes: Consumerism

After paying at the local Walgreen's for required luxuries i.e., night cream, vitamins, multiple packs of tissues (travel and room size) ...

The Kid: Wow, I didn't know you could spend that much money in a store like this.

Family Quotes: Gentle Teasing, The Morning Edition

We were lagging by 5 mins this morning to get out of the door. The only thing we forgot were the library books, but I didn't remember that honestly until just now, ha!

Waiting for a light to change at the crosswalk, I look at my handsome son. 'Tis the season to be Mommy ...

Me: Hmm, you forgot to wash your face again this morning huh? You have bits of sleep in your eye, and milk on your chin.

Him in humble voice, avoiding eye contact: Yeah.

Me in a matter of fact voice .. very dry indeed: Well, that's okay you're too young for girlfriends anyways.

He smiles

Me:... And your friends already know what a dork you are.

Him: You know, I don't think I get all my dork from Dad.

Oh really?

Me: Yeah, I know.

French Onion Soup at Chez Maman on Hayes St.

Family Quotes: Bananas & What The Kid Says.

On the MUNI, on schedule, on time, on the way to school today, I look in my purse.

There is no banana in my bag.

Me: "Kid, there's no banana in my bag. I know you probably don't care. You don't even like bananas."

(I wait, expecting his spiel about how he does eat bananas, maybe one every 3 - 6 mos. ...)

The Kid: "Actually, I had a banana yesterday."

(Insert my Looney Tune bug eyes here)

Me: "The heck you say!"

The Kid: "I did. I ate one yesterday at Afterschool, only because I was hungry."

Me: "Well, I'm glad you ate a piece of fruit being hungry. You must've been hungry."

Silence.

Me: "Wow, you ate a banana. I have to write it in my diary."

The Kid: Chuckle and snort: "Um, you don't really have a diary ... do you?"

Me: "No, I don't, but I have a blog..."

The Kid: "Really?"

Me: "Yeah."

The Kid twists his face in a way that says soo much.

Me: "Don't worry. I never use your real name."

The Kid: "Good."

Family Quotes: Weekend Decisions Edition

This weekend was busy but not overwhelming. So in between the social and the exercise, our family found it's decisive moments.

1) Husband to wife and child, On The Kid and I discussing why we left his gym bag at the soccer field. "I thought you had it?" "Well I thought you had it.": I will never leave anything valuable with either of you. 

2) The Kid, On family planned meals: I really don't care what we eat for dinner. I just don't want what we had last night. When asked why he responds, "Well ... we had it last night."

3) The Kid on his old footwear: "I won't ever wear those shoes again. I tried to tell you and Dad. They still smell since I stepped in poo. I don't even think it was dog. I think it was ... cat! It doesn't matter, throw them away. I will never wear them again."

4) Me, on reminding my son to say, "thank you" to the nice lady at Supercuts that trimmed his coif after his general reluctance, "It's two words. Say. Them." I think I growled. His eyes started to water. I know he was feeling shy about it. I know I didn't care.

His father says, he was mad because The Kid actually had said it already (he had heard), I just hadn't heard. 


Humor me and say it, or tell me like a normal human being that you already said it.

5) The Kid on the success of his haircut after we all told him how good it looked: "I like it. I liked it better before."

6) Me, on having some free time: "Yeah it was great. Wow, I really got nothing done though did I?"

Family Quotes: At my expense ,,,

The disclaimer: I thought long and hard about posting this, despite the fact I don't really have "a following", I have a sense of shame.

Apparently, not enough.

The scene: For the written record, I was working hard ... on a spreadsheet at work. I was watching the last few hours tick by and knew I needed to get it done.

Phone call. I guess it's Manfriend. I am, of course, correct.

Why is he calling? The evening agenda was already determined. I shouldn't be seeing them until approximately 9:30pm. I know they love me and I love them, blah blah... spreadsheet.

Me: (in a slightly impatient tone) Everything okay?

Big Him: (in an easy breezy, george and wheezy kind of tone) Oh yeah. Got your boy, we're home. He's quite chatty today.

(I wait for some comment that The Kid is his mother's son or something ...)

Testing went well. He said that he got up early and was on time today. He said that you should've been out the door at 7:10, but didn't get out until 7:25. I asked him what the delay was. He said, "The DELAY was MOM POOPING."

He didn't have to imitate my loving son's indignant tone. I could hear it well enough.

Big Him: (chuckling and snickering) Ok honey, have fun tonight. We love you, talk to you later.

End call. End Scene.

Family Quotes & Scenarios

"Be good to your mother. You know what she is right?"
"Your sister."
"That's right. So you mess with my sister, you mess with me."

(On disciplining my nephew who loves to push his Mom's buttons. No-one else's like that, just hers. It's a special relationship it is.)

Teaching Independence ...

I bribed my child to stand on the sidewalk outside of Bi-Rite while I did some quick grocery shopping with Creamery twisted soft serve purchased across the street. It was a nice day in the Mission ... I threw in for crushed Newman O's on the top. It went well, we were a team. The kid ate a treat and self-edited. He stopped himself on his own at a very reasonable amount of ice cream. He only had a minor chocolate moustache instead of the full-on beard. I shopped quickly and did not earn any whinging about taking FOR-EH-VERRR.

(first step to independence is personal responsibility -- oo that sounds smart)

Well ice cream makes you thirsty. We weren't smart enough to bring a water bottle to the park that day. I agreed to buy him a small bottle of water. I agreed to buy him a mineral water.

I put my foot down when it comes time to open up. "No, I will not open your water."

"I'm not very good at opening them. These are really hard for me Mom."

"I understand that, however, you have to try."

I pause here for dramatic purposes. I'm really good at dramatic purposes or at least drama.

"Okay let's pretend." I hear that imagination is a helpful tool in parenting and relating to your child ...

"Let's pretend we are in the desert. And ... I'm dead. This is your bottle of water."

He tried. Dear, sweet boy tried. Regardless of my ghost-like existence in this scenario I tried to help him with technique. Stabilize with one hand, twist with the other. Hmm, maybe try twisting in the other direction? Those skinny Minnie arms struggled.

"Well that was a good try. I'm glad you tried a few different things. You almost had it."

When I opened it, it was really lose, the plastic just needed to come off.

"You should've tried a little more." I'm sorry. I couldn't help myself. I hand him the water and he says, thank you and we start walking down the street again.

"Well, I guess we are both dead in the desert." And be both started laughing.